Every community has its pot-stirrers.
You know the ones. People who drop negativity and nonsense into conversations like stink bombs in a locker room.
On the playground, we call these people bullies. They push and shove and call people names. Your mom says to ignore them. Your big brother says to stand up to them. Your 8-year-old self just wants them to go away so you can jump rope and play hopscotch.
On the internet, we call these people trolls. They post rude, offensive messages to get attention and rile up the masses. Some people come back with witty zingers. Some block, unfollow, or quit apps altogether. Your maxed-out self just wants them to go away so you can focus on funny pets and yummy recipes.
In the workplace, we know these people by name. They hold positions up and down the career ladder, because negativity can infiltrate any job description. Stu is the one who always complains. Tess is the one who asks for yes when everyone knows the answer is no. Chuck is the one who’s never met an idea he couldn’t trash. Dee is the one who talks behind your back. Your exhausted, overworked self just wants them all to go away so you can do your job and retire someday.
Here’s the sad news, friends. The pot-stirrers are not going away. They’ve always been and always will be part of human communities. Facing this inevitability, sometimes we can heed mom’s advice: just ignore them.
But when the pot-stirrers threaten what matters—such as progress or peace, safety or sanity—we have to take the big brother’s approach and stand up to them.
Here are some signals that negativity is costing your community or organization too much to ignore.
When the pot-stirrers …
- Instigate inflammatory conversations that distract us from making positive progress
- Plant seeds of division and doubt that destroy morale and fracture relationships
- Provoke anger and anxiety where kindness and calm would surely create more positive results
… it’s time to take action.
So, what do we do?
How do we protect against these negative forces that threaten our productivity, morale, and overall wellbeing?
Encourage the pot-stirrer to drop the spoon. Are you someone this person trusts and respects? If so, you may be able to suggest a change in behavior. Do this one-on-one for sure, and face-to-face if possible. Be considerate but direct. Steer clear of hearsay and avoid blaming or accusing. Focus on how the negative communication style has affected you and what matters to you. Ask for the chance to express yourself fully, then be prepared to listen to the response. This conversation may be tense and uncomfortable, but a balanced dialogue might be just the antidote that neutralizes a toxic approach.
Urge others to avoid the swirl. Perhaps your friends or colleagues have been pulled into the pot-stirrer’s muck. Speak with them directly—again, one-on-one and face-to-face—and suggest that they avoid these interactions. Explain what you’ve observed and why it’s important to you to squelch the negativity. Together, brainstorm ways you can change the conversation or create new ones.
If you’re happy and you know it, say so! When things are going well, we tend to go about our days without acknowledging the goodness, perhaps pausing only to make quiet notes in a gratitude journal. But when we dislike or disapprove of something, whoa nelly do we make a fuss! Negativity gets the bullhorn, drowning out all whispers of optimism. This pattern is so easy and inexpensive to change. All it takes is a few spoken or written words:
- Vocally acknowledge a colleague’s good work in a meeting where others can hear.
- Talk positively about leader or official when they’re not in the room.
- Write favorable reviews of businesses, products, and services you appreciate.
- Fill your social media accounts with posts and comments about what’s right in the world.
Stop being silent about what’s good. Let your positivity out, loud and proud. Drown out the pot-stirrers and fill the airwaves with optimism.
