Jane has always considered herself a follower, not a leader.  And yet, when one of her favorite community-based, non-profit organizations needed a new president, she stepped up.

This was way outside her comfort zone.

Jane also talks to herself. So, in the run-up to the uncontested election, she waged a fierce, internal debate about whether or not her name belonged on the ballot. The last word in that debate came from an inner voice that quoted the ancient wisdom of Hillel the Elder:

“If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Jane ran and was elected president.

Now, her first one-year term is nearly done, and she’s actually looking forward to being reelected. At the same time, she’s looking back, wondering about her performance thus far. That’s why one of Jane’s inner voices keeps asking:

“How did I do?”

There’s ancient wisdom behind this question, too. Socrates said:

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

And then came Plato, whose gave a “yes and” to Socrates by asserting that the right questions can lead to deep understanding, knowledge, and growth.

Jane knows full well that her first term has been a growth experience. Now, she wants to keep growing. She’s eager to ask the right questions.

Will “how did I do” generate useful answers for Jane? Probably not.

“How did I do?” is not the right question.

Asking “how did I do” invites evaluation. And evaluations tend to be conversation stoppers:

• If the evaluation is positive, you feel proud and are inclined to continue on, business as usual.

• If the evaluation is negative, you might take it personally or dismiss it as off base. (“They just don’t understand.”)

• If the evaluation is neutral, you’re left guessing if your performance mattered at all.

Evaluation doesn’t equal insight.

Asking “how did I do” rarely leads to the kind of “aha” that can inspire change or continuous improvement. And even when the response is accurate, a mere evaluation doesn’t tell you what to do next.

As she strategizes how to approach her second year as president, Jane isn’t interested in listening to her inner voices argue over how to interpret positive, negative, or neutral assessments of year one. She wants a meaningful internal dialogue that will encourage and inspire her to continue growing in year two.

Jane needs questions that will open up pathways rather than shutting them down. Maybe you do, too, if you’re preparing for growth-minded conversations:

• Are you guiding an employee (or many of them) toward change?

• Are you parenting a child (of any age) through a transition or learning curve?

• Are you mentoring someone who’s bound for greatness, if only … ?

• Are you supporting a friend who’s looking for a new way?

• Are you sorting out a personal “what next” situation with your own inner voice?

Here are 13 self-examination questions that will serve you better than “how did I do.”

Reflect on the experience

1. Why did that happen?

2. What surprised me?

3. What was difficult? How did I face that difficulty?

4. What was easy? Why?

5. What did I try that was new?

Learn from the process

6. What did I learn? Not just about the process, but about myself and others?

7. If I had to do it again, what would I do differently?

8. In what ways did I improve, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect?

Find a way forward

9. What am I curious about now?

10. What’s one small thing I could do differently next time?

11. What still feels unresolved?

Zoom out

12. How were others affected or influenced by my actions?

13. Who else’s perspective might add something I’m not seeing?

Don’t think of this as a checklist where every question needs an answer. Select just one or two questions that will spark the kind of self-reflection that leads to insight, clarity, and action.

Better questions lead to better growth

“How did I do” is not a bad question. But if self-improvement is your goal, it’s not the best question. If the only answer you get is an evaluation of your past performance, you’ll stop short of discovering the big and small ideas that will show you where to go next.

Asking better questions doesn’t just give you better answers. It gives you a better path forward.