The second half of my job title is Cutter of C.R.A.P. The acronym stands for Corporate Rhetoric And Pomposity. My mission is to help businesspeople stop using words that alienate or irritate a target audience.
So much C.R.A.P. is over-inflated language that sounds smart and impressive but says precious little. Like when:
All the subject matter experts have the bandwidth, upskilled capabilities, and total alignment to execute a synergistic strategy that will optimize performance and leverage the enterprise’s key assets.
Huh?
Those words are vague, soulless, and eyeroll-inducing.
They’re not offensive. But …
Corporate vocabulary does get gross.
Some business jargon crosses the line from frustrating to foul. Such terms are not vague. Quite the contrary: they’re so metaphorically concrete as to provoke a sensory response—a cringe, a wrinkled nose, a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.
Brace yourself, because I’m about to give you a list of these unpleasant words.
Here are 9 words or phrases with serious ick factor:
1. Sticky
Outside of work, what sticky substances do you encounter? Spots of jelly your teen dripped on the kitchen counter and left for you to clean up. A stubborn price tag annoyingly placed on the glass in a frame you’re rushing to wrap for your neighbor’s housewarming. Someone’s nasty gum adhered to the bottom of your shoe.
By and large, sticky things are not desirable. What’s more, most of us don’t like feeling stuck. Or like someone is stickingit to us.
If you want to say a concept has staying power, call it memorable. If you’re suggesting customers are likely to stay around, talk about loyalty or retention or lasting relationships.
Stick with terms that don’t make me want to wash my hands, okay?
2. Drip (and a bonus word)
If you’re not in content marketing or corporate leadership, you may not be aware how many businesses are dripping their sh*t on you all the time. But in my consulting with marketers, communicators, and senior executives, I constantly hear people boast that they’re dripping emails to customers over time or executing a drip campaign.
Do you enjoy when things drip on you? Is there anything more aggravating than the drip-drip-drip of a leaky faucet? Yes, learning that you are the target of a drip campaign.
As long as I’m harping on liquid language, let’s also rule out cascade. Your intention is to pass information from the C-suite down the corporate ladder until it reaches those on the lowest rungs.
But in the real world, a cascade is uncontrolled and potentially destructive. Water pours over a cliff. A pipe bursts and water (or worse) gushes through the ceiling. And there you are underneath, stunned and soaking wet.
You have so many more palatable and accurate alternatives for describing the way a message travels. Say share, release, reveal, introduce, or communicate. If “all at once” isn’t your plan, say you’ll deliver information in stages or over time.
3. Pick your brain
Are we in that horror movie where parasites latch onto people’s necks to control their brains? Gross.
If you’re asking for someone’s expertise, pick your brain turns a colleague into a carcass. Intelligence is so much more valuable than that.
Ditch this ugly imagery and say what you mean: I could use your perspective. Or: May I ask your advice? Or: Could we book 45 minutes to talk about X?
4. Brain dump
Dumps are for garbage.
My mind can be a jumble, but I wouldn’t say I’m hauling around a load of intellectual waste. And if I were, I wouldn’t threaten to drop it on your desk.
If you want to share the raw, maybe even messy details of what you know, call it early thoughts, an initial outline, a first draft, or simply my notes.
If you’re asking someone else to share, try think out loud with me or I’d appreciate an overview of what you know.
The ideas you exchange may not be organized or polished, but they’re not dump-worthy. Give that intelligence the respect it deserves.
5. Churn
People don’t churn. Employees leave or quit. Customers defect or choose a competitor. Subscribers cancel or don’t renew.
When you’re tempted to use churn as a noun, instead choose loss, turnover, or attrition.
Here’s a caveat: churn is a technical term in the field of business analytics. Cool. If that’s your world, use the word in that specific sense. But when you’re talking to human beings about other human beings, choose a word that honors human dignity (even if you’re p*ssed that their departures are hurting your business).
6. Flesh out
This one is so … anatomical. Just imagine attaching skin to the bones of a skeleton, trying to make it into something fuller and more alive. Ugh.
That’s where we got the expression flesh out. The term has been around a long time, and I vote that we finally lay it to rest.
With apologies to those in meat processing, healthcare, forensics, and other flesh-focused industries, I don’t want to think about flesh at work. Instead, let’s develop, expand, complete, add to, fill in, or make more concrete.
7. Impact
Think about the times when you hear impact in the real world. In a car crash, a person is injured on impact. That’s horrible! That source of pain in your mouth could be an impacted molar. How awful! Or heaven help you if you develop an impacted bowel. Ow. And ew.
These are not the connotations you want swirling around people’s brains when you’re trying to communicate the good, impactful things your organization does.
Instead, show that your company makes a difference. Rather than saying one factor will impact another, try influence. Better yet, be more specific about the quality of that influence. Will it improve or impair, help or hinder, strengthen or spoil?
8. Lip service
If I’m fixated on lips in a business conversation, you probably have a little something there … maybe cream cheese? Neither of us wants that. Nor do I want to be distracted by the imagery of lip service.
Visuals aside, lip service indicates a real communication failure: saying you support something without any action to back up the assertion. That’s what deserves attention.
This is a time to be direct. So, say what you mean: They say they’re on board, but their actions don’t match. Or if you’re owning the issue: What we do next needs to demonstrate what we’ve been saying.
9. Open the kimono
O M G. No.
In truth, I haven’t heard this one in a long time. But I’m still scarred from hearing this phrase in a conference room.
I know the speaker meant he wanted to reveal what’s really going on. If only he hadn’t creeped us all out with such an unfortunate metaphor.
Show the numbers. Share the details. Tell the truth. Explain what’s happening behind the scenes. All of these phrases convey the meaning without cultural insensitivity or the conjuring of a sexually charged image of someone exposing themselves.
Notice I didn’t include be transparent. No one is willing to be completely see-through. Don’t over-promise a level of honesty you won’t deliver.
In my first draft of this tirade, I listed these terms in alphabetical order. On second thought, I opted to rank them according to the frequency I encounter them and the ire they inspire in me.
Were you to write this list, you might choose a wildly different order and/or an entirely different set of words.
C.R.A.P. tolerance varies widely.
Know your audience.
Words aren’t inherently good or bad. Context matters. Some of these terms have legitimate technical uses. Some people don’t mind them at all. And some phrases that make me want to crawl under my desk might be perfectly harmless to you.
But if you’re serious about connecting with an audience, their reaction matters more than your attachment to a phrase.
So, if I’m ever in your target audience, would you kindly refrain from using these 9 terms? And tell your family, friends, and business associates to do likewise?
Thank you.
